Playing Ophelia
by Sable Supernova
Summary: She knew she loved him even when she didn't want to love him. Even when the rest of the world seemed to be against them, even when lives were put in danger - she still loved him. She just didn't know if love was enough. M for language, mainly.
1. Springs

**Playing Ophelia**

 **Chapter 1: Springs**

"James, I need help with your sister," Sirius said as he entered the dormitory, but he was too restless to even look up at his friends.

"I'm not helping you get laid, Pads. Especially not with my sister," James replied, a little incredulous that Sirius would even ask.

"No, not like that. I want her to go out with me. For real, this time," Sirius replied, sitting himself down on his bed facing James.

"Bullshit," James replied, staring at the Snitch in his hand as it flapped its wings wildly.

"I mean it," Sirius protested. His foot was tapping on the ground like he'd caught a nerve; his neck was tense. James looked over with a furrowed brow, waiting for his friend to elaborate. "I fucked it up, Prongs, I know. I know I did. But I've grown up, and I want her back. I need your help."

"Sirius, I can't help you. I've known her as long as you have, and you've known her better. You know how she works," James replied, sighing in resignation.

"Yeah," Sirius snorted. "She doesn't. She doesn't do feelings. She runs away from them. Oh, fuck I need a smoke." He stood with his final words, pacing the room with firm steps.

"I thought you'd given up?" Remus piped up, looking up at his friend with concern in his eyes.

"I have. That's why I fucking need one," Sirius replied, not breaking his step.

Remus just quirked an eyebrow and went back to his textbook. He knew better than to push Sirius's buttons when he was so wound up. Every spring reaches a point where the tension is too much.

Sirius stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a ring, but he didn't put it on. Instead, he turned it over and over in his fingers, silver and green occasionally flashing through his knuckles.

Not many people knew he kept it, but his dorm mates did. They'd seen him turn it over time and time again, every time he was stressed. James thought he understood. It was a reminder. A reminder Sirius always had with him of what he got away from, the pain and the anger of a childhood stolen. A reminder of what Sirius could have been, but fought against. He took it out when he was stressed because he didn't want to end up like them, even now at seventeen, so he focused on the reminder.

"Okay, I'll try to help," James said with a sigh. Sirius immediately jumped around and sat back down, looking at James with hope. "Jesus, you remind me of me."

"Yeah, well you got the girl now, so it's my turn," Sirius replied.

"Okay, we know you wear your heart on your sleeve, and she's… the opposite. She protects herself. And you hurt her, yeah?" James began, and Sirius nodded. "So, we need to convince her you're still an option, you're still here, without saying it directly. You say it straight to her and she'll run a mile. We need to remind her gently. I think."

"No, that makes sense. You're pretty good at this, Prongs," Sirius said, flashing a smile. "Suppose you got a lot of practice in with Evans."

"Yeah, something like that."

.o0o.

"Hey, Lauren," Sirius said as the Gryffindors headed out of Transfiguration. He pushed past James and Lily to catch up at her, but she just quirked an eyebrow under her messy blonde hair.

"What do you want?" she asked, but her eyes were kind. She was starting to come back around to him, at least.

"To talk," he sighed, knowing that in itself might push her away. He looked at her hopefully before pulling his eyebrows together in confusion. "Did you wake up to late to straighten your hair or something?" he asked, noticing how closely it resembled James's when it was usually sleeker.

"Of course I did, but it's the middle of the afternoon. How on earth did you only just notice?" she asked, laughing a little.

Sirius just shrugged. "I basically only just woke up."

She shook her head and carried on walking, but she let him walk beside her.

"So, can we talk?"

"We are talking."

"Fine," he sighed, stuffing his hands in his trouser pockets. "I wanted to apologise. For… for what I did. I know it's not enough, you don't need to tell me that. But it's a start, I think. I just wanted you to know that it was shitty of me, and I know that now."

"Okay," she said, drawing the word out in her confusion. She couldn't work out where it was coming from.

"Is that an 'okay, I accept your apology', or an 'okay, it's a start'?" he asked.

"Neither. Both. Maybe," she said, grinning up at him before speeding up and walking away.

Sirius drew in a deep breath and muttered to himself, "Girls."

.o0o.

Lauren sat on her bed and sighed, knowing she should be asleep. She'd always struggled to fall asleep when everyone else did, but it didn't bother her anymore. Tonight, it was more than nature. Something was tugging at the strings in the back of her mind, jarring her thoughts and making her restless.

She peered out through her curtains, listening for the sounds of sleep, before reaching into her trunk beside her bed, digging down to the bottom. She pulled out a bottle of Ogden's finest Firewhiskey and pulled it into bed with her, drawing the curtains again. Twisting the cap, she pulled it straight to her lips and took a swig, letting the liquid burn its way down her throat with barely a grimace.

Now, she thought, now she could think about Sirius.

Something was off, she knew. It wasn't just his out-of-the-blue apology this afternoon, although that only added to her confusion. He'd been strange around her for a while now. Nice. Anyone who knew Sirius knew that nice was not a word generally applied to him, but recently he had been. He hadn't made any jokes about her bad decisions or quick temper; he hadn't compared her to James once; and he hadn't even grown unnecessarily angry or aloof with her. And this was not Sirius.

She couldn't help but wonder what sort of game he was playing, if he was even playing one. She knew she shouldn't let her heart have a say on the matter, but she knew she might not really have a choice.

It was Sirius after all.

No, she decided. She would just observe. She'd make like a Ravenclaw, for the time being, collecting statistics and readings until she came to a logical conclusion.

Besides, she had other worries. She checked her watch and noticed it was almost one o'clock. She checked the lid was on the Firewhiskey tightly and hid it under the pillow before standing and heading over to the window. She opened it a little, looking out into the night air, letting the wind catch her hair. The October chill gave her a sudden shiver, but she didn't mind it all that much.

Right on time, an owl arrived and flew softly into the window, knowing not to make a sound. The owl held its leg out dutifully for Lauren to take the note.

"Why is an owl here in the middle of the night?" a voice asked, groggy with sleep, and for a moment, Lauren's face showed sheer panic. When she turned to face Lily, she was smiling.

"They're nocturnal," she said.

Lily gave her a deadpan look. "Seriously."

Lauren sighed, heading softly back to her bed, note in hand. "Simon's got some stuff going on. He needs his little sister," she shrugged, not daring to look at her friend.

There was silence for a while, while Lily processed this.

"That wasn't Simon's owl," Lily eventually said.

Lauren turned to face her, fixing her with a friendly stare. "He got a new one."

Lily raised an eyebrow and rolled over, going back to sleep.

Lauren worried at her lip, knowing that had been a very close call. She opened the note and took the words in quickly, before placing it underneath her and attempting to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N:** Written for the Quidditch Through The Ages Multi-Chapter Challenge at Diagon Alley. The prompt I chose for this chapter was the word, firewhiskey. At the moment, I have thirteen chapters planned, but we'll see how that goes when I actually get around to the writing side of things.

This whole collection was influenced by Emelie Autumn's song Opheliac, so I thought I should mention that.

I should also mention that I know. You get literally no back story on Lauren at all here. It's coming, I promise. Just get to know her a little bit first, and the facts will come out. It's a little difficult to include back story and information when in medias res without completely ruining the flow of the chapter, but you'll get the big stuff in chapter two :)


	2. Tangled

**Playing Ophelia**

 **Chapter 2: Tangled**

 _Summer, 1966_

A little girl sat tugging at her hair. It had been pulled back into a tight bun, smoothed down, and it was hurting her. Her mother told her it was the only way to keep the blonde mess under control. Lauren decided she didn't like it much under control.

She was in a corner of the room, staring out across the adults mingling. No one saw her there, in her white floral dress with the bow tied around her bun. The laced collar and sleeves were itching. The shoes were too tight. She wasn't supposed to complain.

A boy came to sit next to her, tugging at the knot on his tie as if trying to bring it away from his throat. He turned to look at her with a sigh before resting his head in his hands, dejected.

Lauren laughed. She couldn't help herself. This boy was funny.

"I'm Lauren," she told him, introducing herself without being asked. "Lauren Devine," she added, remembering how she was supposed to use her full name in polite company. She wondered if this boy was polite.

"Sirius Black," he grinned at her, as if he liked the sound of his own name. "How old are you?" he asked, curious.

"Six."

"So am I!" To six year olds, finding out they were the same age was akin to finding out they would be best friends for life. It gave them a special bond, something unique to them, even if it only lasted the evening.

"Do you like climbing trees?" Lauren asked, and Sirius nodded. Immediately, she grabbed his hand and began to pull him away, knowing exactly which tree in the garden was the best for clambering up. They smiled together as they snuck away.

* * *

 _Autumn, 1971_

When he joined the Gryffindor table, the Slytherins sat in a shocked silence. This was unexpected, and a great dishonour. Sirius went to take his seat with a wary smile, happy enough.

Lauren watched him with apprehension knotting her stomach even as hope shone in her eyes. She knew her sisters' expressions before she looked. Down at the Slytherin table, they were threatening, menacing, reminding her there was only one right answer today.

When her brother was called up, the clenching in her gut reminded her that it wasn't just her sisters she had to worry about. He didn't know. She was certain he didn't know.

He was about to find out.

He joined the Gryffindor table with a grin, sitting next to Sirius. Lauren wasn't sure if she should sit next to him when she joined them, or if it would be awkward. She knew she shouldn't sit next to Sirius. They would group them together anyway, the two traitors. They didn't need encouragement.

"Potter, Lauren!"

She tried not to look down at the Gryffindor table. She tried to avoid staring at the shock in James's eyes. She failed. It bore into the back of her skull like a new tattoo was being drawn. She felt like she'd singlehandedly stolen his innocence. She wanted to tell him she hadn't done anything. She'd just been born. That was her crime.

When Gryffindor was called, it was more important that she didn't look back at the Slytherin table. Not with longing, not with disgust. Not at all. She took a seat opposite the boys, next to a girl with straight dark hair and a small smile, her back to the Slytherins.

James threw her a questioning glance for just a moment before he looked away. She wanted to tell him the whole story: how they were half-siblings; what she knew of their parents' youths. She couldn't say it here. She would have to wait until they could be alone.

"I've met you before," Sirius commented, striking up conversation.

"You have. I was a Devine then," Lauren replied, noting her family's surname, the one she went by as a younger child.

"I remember you! Why are you a Gryffindor?" he asked, blunt in his childish ignorance.

"Why are you?" Lauren countered. Sirius had nothing to say to that, and so just tilted his head and grinned. Even as they smiled at each other, eyebrows began to draw together, already trying to work each other out.

* * *

 _Spring, 1975_

"Hey, Lauren!" Sirius called across the lawns to where she was walking with the Gryffindor girls.

Lauren's head spun around to throw him a smile. Sirius had been walking with the boys in his dormitory, but his pace quickened to catch up with her as he left them behind.

Lauren gave quick farewells to her friends and dawdled behind a little.

"Are you free tonight?" he asked, looking a little guilty.

"Why? Did you forget about some homework due tomorrow again?" she replied with a grin.

"No!" he protested loudly. "I didn't forget, I just haven't done it yet."

Lauren wasn't the brightest witch in her year, and she was just as likely as he was to run for last minute help, but the brightest witch in the year wouldn't even think about helping Sirius.

"I could say no, you know," she told him, teasing.

"Yeah, but, you never do. And I helped you with Astronomy last week," Sirius reminded her, knowing they went through the same routine every time.

"Fine. But you're helping me with Charms tomorrow!" Lauren said as she began to walk away, back to her friends for lunch.

* * *

 _Winter, 1976_

"So, when are you and Sirius gonna get together?" Marlene asked, shouting around Lily as the redhead waved her wand on Marlene's hair.

"Don't change the subject," Lauren complained, avoiding the question.

"I'm not. You were talking about the party tonight. I think you'll both be there. So?" Marlene prompted again.

"We're just friends," Lauren shrugged, avoiding her friends' gaze.

"Yeah, right, and your brother's nice," Lily snorted, and Lauren refused to comment. She happened to think James was nice, which voided Lily's point somewhat, but Lauren didn't think it was worth the argument. At sixteen, they had bigger worries, and right now, the biggest was what on earth they'd all wear that evening to celebrate the latest Quidditch win.

.o0o.

"Wormtail, stay away from the Firewhiskey; Moony, stay away from the chocolate; and Pads, stay away from my sister," James announced, moments before the boys headed downstairs.

The Firewhiskey comment was more than a little pointed after the last party, when James's attempt to flirt with Lily was interrupted by a stream of drunken vomit. The time Moony ate too much chocolate ended in a surprisingly similar fashion. It was the remark made in Sirius's direction that left him confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked, affronted.

"It means that just because your balls dropped doesn't mean you have to shag everything in sight," James retorted, spraying himself with aftershave before turning around.

"Mate, it's Lauren. We're just mates," he replied, shaking his head.

.o0o.

"I need some air," Lauren said, grabbing a fistful of Sirius's shirt and pulling him left, towards the portrait of the Fat Lady. It was only as she did so that she realised she'd forgotten where exactly she was, and therefore didn't know if the portrait was left or not. As Sirius gently turned her by the shoulder, she admitted to herself she might have been wrong.

It wasn't that she was drunk. It was just that the music was far too loud, and the room was spinning far too quickly, and, come to think of it, the colours were far too bright.

A few steps down the corridor, she turned to Sirius and took in his glassy-eyed appearance, the sway in his steps and perpetual grin on his face. Lauren couldn't hold in her laugh.

"You're just as drunk as I am," she told him.

"No, I'm not, I can walk in a straight line!" he protested, and proceeded to attempt to prove his point, but only managed to walk into two suits of armour.

"Shh! It's past curfew!" Lauren loudly reminded him, before a fit of giggles took over both of them.

Remembering she left for fresh air, Lauren took his hand and took him into an alcove with a window, which she pushed open, before sitting on the window sill. Sirius stood beside her, looking down.

They stood in silence for a moment before Sirius pulled a cigarette packet from his pocket. He took one out, deftly set it alight, and took a long drag before handing it to Lauren.

"Thanks," she said before breathing it in, the light-hearted laughter suddenly gone from the air as they calmed down.

"You know, James warned me to stay away from you," Sirius said, smiling through uncertainty.

"Huh. Lily said something similar. I wonder if it's you he doesn't trust or me," she joked as she handed back the cigarette.

"Oh, it's definitely me," he replied with a grin.

They'd both always considered themselves friends. They'd never stopped to think of anything more. Ideas planted as seeds are sometimes quick to take root. The air in the alcove was suddenly very heavy and thick, muscles tensed as minds raced. What was the right thing to say, now? Nothing their drunken thoughts could make sense of.

Sirius handed the cigarette back to Lauren and turned to look at her where she sat. Their faces were perfectly in line with each other. She watched him as she took a drag, blowing the smoke back into his face, before leaning down to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

Seconds later, the kiss was not gentle. It was searching, pleading, begging. Passion and alcohol took hold, and neither he nor she was certain which was which anymore. Lauren jumped down from the sill, pressing their bodies closer together, and in a tangle of limbs, they made their way to the nearest place of privacy. Pushing the brooms out of the way as they shut the cupboard door, Sirius remembered to cast silencing and locking charms on the wood as Lauren fumbled with his buttons.

"Not sure this could be any more cliche," Lauren commented wryly.

"Nothing beats a good old broom cupboard," Sirius replied with a wink, before they both found themselves too preoccupied for more words.

* * *

 _Spring, 1977_

"Moony, remind me to mention that to Lauren next time I see her!" Sirius called out, laughing at some joke his fellow Marauder had just said. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Lauren and Sirius were definitely still just friends.

"She's over there," Remus pointed out, gesturing to the blonde head of the girl in question, stood alone by a beech tree as if waiting for someone.

Sirius headed over as Remus slowed his pace, prepared to wait for his friend's return.

"Lauren!" Sirius called out when he was close enough, smiling as he attempted to get her attention.

"I've got to go and meet Lily," Lauren said, without a smile, before turning away and walking back towards the castle, leaving Sirius waving at thin air.

"That was weird," he muttered to himself under his breath before turning back to Remus.

* * *

 _Spring, 1977_

Owls hooted as creatures in the Forbidden Forest howled at the moon. In the boys' dormitory, all was still and silent except for soft snores. The door pushed open inaudibly, despite its usual creak. A wand was pushed through, soon followed by a girl. She made her way deftly to one of the beds, a specific bed, and cast silencing spells on its curtains before pulling it aside to allow herself in. She sat up beside the figure sleeping there and crossed her legs, leaning forward.

She gently shook the shoulder of the sleeping seventeen year old until he rolled over, opening his eyes to look at her.

"What time is it?" he asked, mind and voice both still groggy and full of sleep.

Lauren shrugged. "Maybe two?"

"What do you want in the middle of the night?" he asked, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep. I thought I'd come and see if you were awake," she replied, the ghost of a smile dancing on her lips.

Sirius just rolled his eyes as he pulled himself up a little, so he was leaning on his elbows as he looked at her.

"S'up?" he asked, prompting her to speak.

"Simon should have written back by now," she admitted. Simon was her brother, two years older, born without magic into a magical family. As such, he was often at risk, in danger, particularly in such turbulent times. When he didn't write on time, Lauren always worried.

"Consider it a good sign. If anything had happened, you'd have heard. No news is good news," he told her.

Lauren sighed in a reluctant agreement.

"Come here," he said, raising an arm in an open gesture.

Lauren lowered her head, stretching out her legs, so that she was lying beside him, her head resting on his shoulder as he played with the ends of her hair until sleep claimed them both.

When Sirius woke up the next morning, her imprint on the bedsheets was still warm.

* * *

 _Summer, 1977_

The broom closets of Hogwarts were varied in size and shape, and the amount of brooms they housed. This meant that some of them were more accommodating to two fully grown teenagers than others. The particular broom closet of this Saturday morning was spacious, and had a deep windowsill ideal for sitting in, but not wide enough for lying down. If Lauren had to choose, she would say it was one of her favourites.

At that moment, however, Lauren was unable to think of anything much, apart from Sirius's very specific actions. As her breathing began to normalise again, and her pulse slow down to a more normal pace, she mumbled something she never dreamed she'd ever say.

"What?" Sirius asked, breathy and confused.

"Nothing," Lauren replied, closing her eyes as she attempted to bury her face in his neck. He placed his hands on her shoulders to stay her.

"What did you say?"

Lauren was forced to look him in the eye. She bit her lip, wanting to shrug, to laugh, to run away. Praying the ground would open up beneath her.

"I love you," she repeated with a shrug, a shrug that meant 'it's nothing', 'we're not even in a relationship so whatever', 'I'm scared you don't feel the same thing'.

Sirius's face lost all colour as he stood motionless. Lauren watched him. He stepped back.

"I'm sorry, I… I have to go," he stammered, unable to think of the right thing to say, not knowing what he felt or anything except the shock. He had not expected that. That wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He turned on his heal, fastening the buttons of his shirt as he walked to the door. He opened it and stepped through, letting it swing shut behind him, without a backwards glance.

* * *

A/N: Here's Chapter 2! It's a little late, but it's here, and I hope you enjoyed it. Again, written for the Quidditch Through The Ages Challenge at Diagon Alley. The prompt chosen was: "Nothing beats a good old broom cupboard."

2479 words.


	3. Gravity

**Playing Ophelia**

 **Chapter 3: Gravity**

Sirius wasn't the type of person who gave up. He knew Lauren wouldn't agree to be alone with him straight away, so he didn't ask. He didn't even hint, not after his attempt at an apology. He carried on playing nice, and surprised himself when he enjoyed it. He noticed that it was working when she smiled back at him for some silly joke, and persevered. It took nearly two weeks before he had a chance to speak to her alone, and he was surprised when he didn't even have to ask. He had to hand it to James, the boy had grown up. Sirius was certain this was the first time he'd followed his friend's advice and had it actually work.

The larger group of Gryffindors were sat at their table in the Great Hall, savouring the last few minutes of their lunch break before their return to classes.

"The weather's looking good today. We should head out after classes," Remus suggested.

"Ah, I would, but I have that Transfiguration thing to finish," Lauren complained with a grimace.

"I was gonna do that tomorrow morning," Sirius shrugged, knowing an essay on werewolves, vampires and other shapeshifting beasts wouldn't take him long to complete.

Lauren bumped her shoulder into his. "Come to the library with me tonight. Give yourself a lie in tomorrow," she suggested.

"Tempting," Sirius said, narrowing his eyes. "Okay."

Lauren was too busy looking at the remnants of her cake, as if wishing there was more, to notice the raised eyebrows and half-smiles of the rest of the group as they sought eye contact with each other, avoiding Sirius's droll stare.

* * *

 _Lily wasn't in the dormitory when Lauren left for the library, but Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald were, watching her like a hawk for any sign of emotion. As soon as the door shut behind her, the pair left behind turned to each other._

 _"_ _Is he gonna say anything tonight, d'you think?" Mary asked, eyes wide in speculation._

 _"_ _Of course he is. Remus says he's been biting his tongue for weeks," Marlene shrugged._

 _"_ _She'll run a mile."_

 _"_ _She usually does. To be fair, he's had his chance and he messed up."_

 _"_ _By running away when she admitted she felt something for him and sleeping with someone else less than eight hours later. Who was that again? Sirius's rebound? Can you remember?" Mary replied, teasing the other girl with a grin._

 _"_ _How many times do I have to say I didn't know they were a thing? I didn't know what he'd just done!" Marlene protested._

 _"_ _At least a few more times, Marls, because no one believes you. Everyone else saw it a mile off!"_

 _Marlene just shook her head, signalling the end of the conversation._

 _"_ _I really hope they can work it out, though. I think they're good together," Marlene added._

 _"_ _Yeah. They are."_

* * *

Lauren was sat at a small table in the corner, lit by a single lamp on the wall above. The library wasn't empty, but there weren't many people around. She had three textbooks out on the desk in front of her, all open, besides her roll of parchment. Her quill was in her hand, her inkpot open in front of her, as she pushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear with a loud sigh.

"You have ink on your forehead," Sirius said as he approached, an amused smile on his face.

"Somehow, that's the least of my worries right now," Lauren wryly replied as Sirius sat and opened his bag.

"Why?"

"I think I got a little bit ambitious with this essay. I'm trying to explain Conjuring Charms within the realms of muggle understanding of science. Particles and elements and finite resources. Basically, the idea that the things, or at least their building blocks, have to come from somewhere, so where?" Lauren tried to explain.

"When did you learn muggle science?" Sirius asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I read a book," Lauren replied with a shrug. "I'm pretty much done, I'm just stuck on this one section. Although, it's long enough now."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"Then maybe we could talk," Sirius suggested.

* * *

 _"_ _Why is Sirius interested in Lauren again?" Lily asked, brow furrowed, as she turned to James._

 _"_ _He never stopped being interested. He stopped being afraid," James replied._

 _"_ _But he walked away. She won't admit it, but he broke her heart," Lily reasoned, sitting up straight on the Common Room couch as she looked at James._

 _"_ _I know, he's a dick. I told him as much a few weeks ago. He's just determined to try. Throw the ball into her park and see what she does with it."_

 _"_ _It probably sounds horrible, but I don't think she should do anything with it. I don't know if he deserves it."_

 _"_ _I think everyone deserves a second chance, but not a third."_

* * *

"We are talking," Lauren replied, with an air of finality in her words as if she didn't want to be contradicted.

"Not about school work. I want to talk about us," Sirius replied.

"There is no us anymore, Sirius; you ended it. Rather abruptly, actually, and I'd rather not go back there," Lauren's voice was forceful and determined. She didn't want this conversation. She began to close the textbooks in front of her as if preparing to leave.

"I know what I did. I know. Please, just… hear me out. Just give me five minutes," Sirius pleaded with her.

"Why should I? Why does it have to be on your terms? When I tried to get you to listen, you wouldn't. So why should I listen now?" Lauren argued, beginning to stand.

"No. I don't want things on my terms. I want them on yours, but things can't be on anyone's terms unless that person knows all the facts. You don't. Some of the facts, I don't even want to tell you, but you deserve to know. And then you can set your terms. Then you'll understand, and maybe even believe me," Sirius argued.

Lauren let out a bitter laugh. "I don't even know if you mean that or if you're just saying what you think I want to hear."

"And that's why you need to listen to me."

Lauren took her seat once again and sighed.

* * *

 _Simon sat at the small table in the flat he shared with his sister during the summer months, staring at the last letter she'd written to him as he tried to work out how to respond. She didn't say too much, but then she never did. She always tried to keep the negative out of her missives, but he could hardly blame her. He did the same._

 _He took out a piece of paper, briefly comparing it to the fine parchment she wrote on, and a biro, before scribbling out his response._

Hey sis,

Glad to hear classes are going well. Bradley's complained about me again at work so I'm not sure how much longer they'll keep me on now. It's annoying. He's only got it in for me because his sister had a thing for me.

It sounds like Sirius has realised he messed up. You didn't tell me everything that happened, but I know he let you go, and it seems to me he's worked out he shouldn't have done that. Just remember what he did the first time. He'll be asking for a second chance soon, and as far as I'm concerned, he's not good enough for you.

I suppose I'm supposed to say that, though, as your big brother, and I know you're just going to do whatever the hell you want to do anyway. Just try not to let him hurt you, okay?

Keep me updated,

Simon

 _He folded the letter up and attached it to the leg of the snowy owl Lauren had bought for him, sending it on its way. He hoped his advice about Sirius didn't reach her too late._

* * *

"I'm not sure any of this will actually make sense to you, but I want you to try to understand, or at the very least, let me explain it all," Sirius began, and Lauren raised her eyebrow at the unpromising beginning. "I wanted to be with you, properly. I did. I liked you more than I'd ever liked anyone before. I was interested in everything from your short skirt to your opinions on the culinary pros and cons of cheese. I'd never been there before. Ever. It was totally new."

Lauren wanted to interrupt, words danced on the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back and let him continue.

"And you baffled me. You really did. You'd be completely uninterested in me during the day, then you'd be sneaking into my bed at night and I didn't understand it. No, I didn't try to understand it. I didn't stop to think about it, I just let it happen and reasoned it off because we all know women are crazy. That was bullshit, of course. It all makes sense to me know, and that's when things started to go wrong.

"I didn't see the signs. Or, if I did see them, I chose to ignore them. I chose to pretend they weren't there. So, when you said what you did, it was a complete shock. And it was terrifying. It's kind of ironic, looking back. You were too scared to be honest from the start. You were scared of your feelings, because emotions get you hurt, and you kept it all bottled up until it burst right out of you. You didn't say it, so I pretended it wasn't there, convinced myself it was harmless fun until it was right in front of me, and suddenly I was absolutely terrified of it.

"I was scared of hurting you, of losing you, of messing up. I'm really good at messing up. I didn't wat you to be the mess I left behind. You didn't deserve that. I thought… I thought you deserved better than me. I still do, actually, but never mind. I was afraid, and because I was afraid, I did all the things I was afraid of doing, and I can only blame myself."

Lauren didn't realise Sirius had finished speaking until the silence dragged on. She looked away, at the corner of a bookshelf and sighed. She didn't say anything, but it was clear in the tension of his shoulders that Sirius was waiting for her to speak. He slowly looked up and met her eye.

* * *

 _Regulus heard his brother approach the next table through the bookshelf that separated him from them. His eyes immediately narrowed as his ears strained to catch the conversation._

 _Of course, the conversation about the essay didn't last long, but Regulus had expected that. He knew how tactless his brother could be. When Lauren began to sound annoyed, and books began to snap shut, he held back a smile. It was Lauren's way to block herself off from situations she didn't want to be in._

 _Regulus found himself grateful his dorm mates had opted not to join him. His friendship with Lauren was private, for him and her alone, and not worth the consequences of a revelation for either of them. He could sit and listen in peace to the events as they unfolded, rather than hear the outcome through rumours and have to question her about it in secret._

 _When Lauren agreed to stay and listen, Regulus found himself slightly disappointed, but nonetheless intrigued. He wanted to know how Sirius would try and explain his way out of it._

 _By the time the elder Black reached the end, the younger was angry, not least because the end of Sirius's story was the start of Regulus's, and right now, he had no way of reminding her of that before she answered him._

 _He longed to show his face, just to jog her memory of the pieces Sirius had left shattered and scattered all over the cold, stone floor. He wanted to remind her that he had found her there, and said nothing as he sat beside her. He wanted to ask her how many hours he'd sat beside her over the coming days, and weeks. So many, he thought, that it had become so familiar a comfort._

 _Their friendship, everything they had, had become so familiar a comfort, despite neither of them wanting it. For both of them, it was dangerous. It was against everything they believed in. They hated each other quite naturally, except for when they sat side by side, sharing a cigarette, laughing at each other's jokes._

 _Sirius had his chance. Sirius had blown it spectacularly. Regulus couldn't bring himself to stand up and admit he was waiting for his turn._

* * *

"Is that supposed to convince me to give you another shot? You really fucked up and you know it, but you did it because you were scared, so that makes it all okay?" Lauren asked.

"No, of course it doesn't. It's not okay. It means I've learnt my lesson and won't make the same mistake again. I won't hurt you again," Sirius replied.

"Don't make promises you can't keep. Of course you'll hurt me again if I let you in. People hurt each other all the time, and most of them don't mean to, but it happens. It's not about not getting hurt again," Lauren argued, doing away with romantic notions and false logic.

"Then what is it about?"

"Whether you're worth it. Whether you're worth the pain. And I still don't know. You haven't proved yourself either way, yet."

"Well, then give me a chance to. Just one chance."

"You already had one."

Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair. "A second chance. I know I'm not entitled to it. I certainly don't expect a third. I just want one more chance."

Lauren sighed, slightly defeated, but also fully aware of where her heart stood on the matter. "Fine. One more chance."

Sirius couldn't hold back his grin as he muttered thank you, but over his excitement Lauren heard a chair scrape back nearby, and over Sirius's shoulder saw a figure with dark hair and a slim physique, adorned in green and silver, leave the library with determination.

* * *

 **A/N: Once again, this was written for Quidditch Through The Ages at Diagon Alley II. The prompt was 'believe'. The title takes a metaphor from Wicked's _Defying Gravity_ : "It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!" as well as being a reference to the peculiar forces at work.**

 **I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, but whether you did or not, I would love it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you thought, and how I'm doing :) Thank you in advance!**


	4. Parallel

Quidditch Through The Ages Multi-Chapter Challenge - Prompt: "Do you want to know what hurts the most?"

Words: 1604

* * *

 **Playing Ophelia**

 **Chapter 4: Parallel**

Lily thought Sirius and Lauren looked happy. Lauren certainly seemed to be smiling more when the group congregated, and she was spending less time holed up in the dormitory listening to her records. James agreed: this time, it really did look like things would work out.

So when Sirius approached the couple and told them he was worried about her, they couldn't help but be confused.

"What is there to be worried about?" Lily asked from her perch on the sofa, looking up from the homework she'd been coursing through.

"She's just not acting like herself. She seems happy, all the time. And she never wants time alone anymore. It's not like her," Sirius complained, trying to explain the feeling in his gut as a logical response to something.

"Maybe, mate, maybe she seems happy because… she is?" James suggested, as if he was trying to break it to him slowly.

Sirius shook his head, immediately dismissing the idea. "No, it's not that. It's something more. It's like she's scared of being alone with her own thoughts or something. There's something going on."

Lily turned to James, bemused. "Is this the same Sirius Black that coined the name 'Snivellus'?" she asked, seeking confirmation.

"I think so, but he is acting rather out of character," James replied, feigning concern.

"Look, Sirius. If you think something's up, talk to her. She's your girlfriend now," Lily told him.

"Yeah, okay," he agreed, before heading for the portrait hole. He turned a corner into a quiet corridor and pulled the Map from his pocket, spurring it to life with a touch of his wand and a muttered phrase, before searching for her name.

* * *

The dusty, cobwebbed abandoned corridor wasn't the perfect setting for a friendly meeting, but the pair didn't have many options. If the two were seen together, the consequences could be dire. Their closest friends would no longer trust them.

Lauren pulled her long blonde hair back from her face and pulled it up into a messy loose bun, secured with a single band. For the rest of the school, she always felt like she had to put on a show and be strong, let them know she wasn't easily taken down. With her friends, and with him, she knew she didn't need to. She could be her most comfortable self.

Regulus was sat beside her on the windowsill, leaning back against the glass as he casually flicked through a Quidditch tactics book. They weren't speaking.

They were friends of the hidden places and the night time, as they had been for years, since a fateful three-hour detention they'd spent together in Regulus' first year. Recently, things had grown complicated between them, and there were things they needed to talk about. Elephants filled the room, so large and unavoidable, taking deep breaths that sucked all the oxygen from the space and made it difficult for either of them to breathe, let alone voice words of meaning.

"So, you and Sirius again," Regulus finally commented, bitterness in his voice barely noticeable.

"Yeah, me and Sirius," Lauren replied, not really knowing what to say, or how to say it.

"Why? You said you'd never go back there after what he did. You said you were over for good," Regulus asked, reminding her of how she'd confided in him.

"I did, I know. I meant it at the time."

"What changed?"

Lauren looked out of the window, watching the swallows play on the wind beneath the clouds. "I don't know. It just felt inevitable. Right. Like I'd only been lying to myself for months."

"Well, of course you had, but you believed it. That made it true. But it's okay. I get it. You don't have to apologise or anything. It was always him. Even when you didn't want it to be," Regulus told her, almost – but not quite – admitting his own feelings for her.

"I tried, you know. I really did," she replied, looking back at him with sorrow in her eyes.

"I know. Do you want to know what hurts the most?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lauren laughed a little. "No, but you're going to tell me anyway."

"What hurts the most is that I thought we had a chance. I thought it would just take time. In my head, I made you into something you're not; I gave you a burden that's not yours to bear." Regulus paused and looked away, as if the only way he could be honest is if he forgot she was even there at all. "You see, I'm in too deep." His right hand ghosted over his left forearm, where his new disfigurement lay, as if it was already a habit, an ingrained part of him. "I can't get out alone, and there's no one on my corner. A long time ago, Sirius could have helped, but he was only a child himself. I made you into my hero. My escape. That's why it hurt so much," he admitted, talking to the breeze as it rustled the leaves of the trees on the edge of the forest.

"Regulus, if you want out, you can make it. There are people, organisations, that can help," Lauren told him, hoping to persuade him from the darkness.

"No. It's too late. It's too complicated. The only thing I can do now is play the game. I'm just glad you have a chance to be happy. Don't waste it, okay?" he asked.

Lauren smiled a little, as she said, "Okay," but immediately looked away and bit her lip as her worries rose unbidden to the surface of her thoughts.

"What's up? Don't tell me he's fucked up already?"

"No," Lauren laughed. "It's just… It's nothing." She smiled, waving away her doubts with a shake of her head. "It's fine."

"If you say so. I have to go, anyway. Potions homework. I'll see you around," Regulus said, making to stand.

Lauren smiled and waved goodbye, wondering if she really would see him around or if he was hurting more than he let on as she watched him leave.

Left alone with her own thoughts, she allowed her mind to wander, closing her eyes as thoughts whirred through her mind at their own will. She had a lot to think about, and most of it she wouldn't talk about.

She only opened her eyes again when she heard footsteps, knowing it was likely to be either Sirius, James or Lily.

When Sirius rounded the corner into her line of sight, it struck her very suddenly just how alike the two brothers were. Both had the same thin, square jawline. Both had the same thin, straight hair, though Sirius wore his longer. Regulus had even grown to match his older brother in height now.

"Why was my brother here?" Sirius asked when he was close enough for her to hear him.

"You could have started with 'hello'," Lauren complained as Sirius took the seat his brother hadn't long left. Lauren hoped the spot had had time to cool.

"Sorry, I was just curious," Sirius replied, though the apology didn't seem too genuine to Lauren.

"He was just passing through. There's an old staircase down at the end," Lauren replied, gesturing further into the darkness.

Sirius held up the Map he was still clutching. "I know," he replied, with his characteristic arrogant smirk. Lauren just rolled her eyes. The smile, however, didn't quite seem to reach his eyes. Lauren could tell he knew there was more to the story, but he didn't push. Instead, he took a deep breath and asked a different question. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why?" Lauren replied with a smile.

"Don't lie to me. What's wrong?"

Lauren sighed as her smile faded. "I'm just… worried."

"About what?"

Lauren paused as she collected her thoughts. "I'm worried that by being together, we're making ourselves a bigger target. That we're putting our friends in danger. People with the wrong friends already hated and targeted us. I'm scared we just made that worse. We're stronger together. We're more of a threat."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe that is worth being worried about. But you can't not do things because of a possibility. You can't live your life making plans for tomorrows that might happen, or right now will pass you by. We don't know how many tomorrows we're going to get," Sirius reasoned, calming the throbbing ache of her own negativity.

"But what about everyone else?"

"James and Lily are already talking with Dumbledore about joining the Order when we graduate. We all agreed that was something we were going to do together. They don't need us to make them targets, Lauren. They're more than happy to do that themselves."

She smiled, looking down at her feet as she saw the truth in his words. Her smile faded once more as another thought rose to the forefront of her mind. "And my brother? Simon?"

"Is a full-grown man capable of looking after himself."

"But-" Lauren began, but Sirius cut her off.

"But he's a Squib, mixed up dangerously in a magical war. I know. So although he doesn't always want it, he needs help and protection. You don't have to do that by yourself anymore. You said it yourself – we're stronger together."

Lauren smiled once more, but this time, as her blue eyes looked at him, there were no more dark thoughts waiting to snuff out her comfort. "Thank you," she told him, reaching out to take his hand.

"No worries," he replied, tugging her hand gently towards him so she leaned in, tucking herself in softly at his side.

* * *

 **A/N: Do let me know what you thought!**

 **Just a side note: I'm still planning on having this finished by the end of January. I've been a little slow recently, I know, but the other multi-chapter I was working on just finished yesterday, so this is my sole focus in terms of the story I need to get published. My other multi-chapter will have a sequel, I think, and I've started work on my next one, but one thing at a time in terms of writing, publishing and finishing!**


	5. Visits

Written for the Quidditch Through The Ages challenge at Diagon Alley, for the prompts: an outside force must present itself as a problem and 'apprehension'.

Words: 2121

* * *

 **Playing Ophelia**

 **Chapter 5: Visits**

It didn't take too long for Lauren to almost forget she'd ever been worried. The news spread around school faster than pixies let loose, and if it was being talked about here, there was no doubt that it was being talked about across more distant breakfast tables. But it was only whispers, and whispers were nothing to worry about.

The ten Gryffindors in seventh year soon found themselves brought together into one group with two couples in their midst, and a third budding between Remus and Marlene. Lily and Lauren wasted no time in plotting to place the pair together as often as possible, and enlisted the help of Sirius and James more than occasionally.

"James says Remus won't ask Marlene to Hogsmeade," Lily announced as she entered the dormitory one Wednesday afternoon, after she'd made sure Marlene was out.

"Why not?" Lauren asked, looking up from her novel once she'd finished her paragraph, realising already that this was more than a casual statement and would require a lengthy conversation.

Mary McDonald, the plump, bushy-haired freckled girl of their group piqued her head up from where she'd been sprawled on the floor finishing her Transfiguration homework.

"Apparently for many reasons, not limited to him being scared about his furry little problem and that she doesn't even like him anyway," Lily said with a sigh, flopping herself down on her back across the foot of Lauren's bed.

Lauren let out a rather unladylike snort. "Bollocks. They're excuses. He's just not got the guts."

"Precisely. But what do we do?" Lily asked, throwing her hands up in melodramatic hopelessness.

"We have two options. Convince Marlene to ask him," Lauren began.

"She wouldn't do that in a million years. You know Marlene," the redhead replied.

"Or, we just make it happen instead," Lauren finished with a shrug.

Lily paused in thought, her brow furrowed. "How do we do that?"

"We all go as a group, and slowly drop off until they're alone. And then we sneak up and watch."

Lily thought about the proposal before breaking into a grin. "I love it," she finally agreed.

It was only an hour into the Hogsmeade trip, and already the plan was going brilliantly. James had taken Peter to stock up on Zonko's supplies, while Lily and Evangeline, the tall blonde that finished the girl's dormitory, went for beauty supplies. Sirius and the fifth Gryffindor boy, Danny, went to find fresh Firewhiskey for the next Gryffindor party (they didn't know when it was going to be yet, but there was definitely going to be one, so why waste an opportunity?). That left Lauren and Mary with the pair of lovebirds, who were already pulling away ahead, engrossed in their private little world as they were. Lauren saw this as an opportunity, slowing her pace with Mary's in the hopes they could slip away without a word.

As they passed a side-alley and the couple burst out in a fit of giggles, Mary grabbed Lauren, seeing their chance, and the two girls slipped away, breaking into a run at the earliest opportunity. The pair headed back towards the rest of their troupe in the hopes of finding one of them.

Sirius and Danny were near the Hog's Head. Mary and Danny carried on looking for the others, leaving Lauren and Sirius alone to enjoy the rest of their day together.

"Lunch?" Lauren suggested, noting it was past midday.

"Hog's Head?"

Lauren nodded, taking Sirius's free hand as they turned around, back to where Sirius had come from. The Firewhiskey, no doubt, was either hidden somewhere they'd be able to come back for it later, or shrunken to fit in pockets.

The meal was nothing special, of course, but it was nice. Actually, Lauren considered, the whole day had been nice, and nothing had gone wrong. If this was what happiness was like, she decided, she very much approved.

That was, at least, until the owl appeared. The owl was unlike any Lauren had ever seen before. Magically enhanced, it was large and jet black, with beady green eyes. In colour, it looked more like a raven than anything else. It didn't make a sound, and the letter wasn't attached to its leg. He carried it in his beak, dropping it unceremoniously between Sirius and Lauren before flying out of the pub the way it had come.

Beautiful, sloping handwriting proclaimed both their names on the front of the envelope – the work of a trained and meticulous hand. The work of a Pureblood.

Neither spoke. Lauren let Sirius reach forward and open the letter, not wanting her worst fears, her secret nightmares, confirming.

His eyes skimmed over the words, taking them in quickly, and he let out a heavy sigh before silently handing the note over to Lauren.

There wasn't a lot on the page, and the handwriting wasn't one she knew, so she let her eyes skip to the signature first. She was hardly surprised when she read the words 'Lucius Malfoy' knowing exactly what he was and what his family were capable of.

" _Dear Sirius and Lauren,_

 _"I am writing on behalf of your estranged families, who are very concerned over recent news. The great sadness and betrayal they felt in the knowledge of having blood traitors besmirching their lines was grave news indeed when they were forced to confront it, but the further knowledge that you are coming together in such an unholy union is most worrisome._

 _"If you insist on dragging your family names through more muck and mire, they've agreed they'll have to consider more permanent methods of riding themselves of the plague you've made yourselves into._

 _"Heed my words,_

 _Lucius Malfoy."_

"He's such a slimy bastard," Lauren announced, throwing the letter onto the table in disgust as she looked away, understanding the veiled threat in his words.

"Yeah. Well, we can't say it was entirely unexpected," Sirius admitted with a shrug.

"I know, but," Lauren paused. "What do we do?"

Sirius looked at her as if the answer was obvious. "We do nothing."

Lauren sighed. "Is that the smartest thing to do?"

"It's the Gryffindor thing to do."

She raised her eyebrows and nodded in acquiesce. "Yeah. I guess so."

Lauren had reluctantly agreed with Sirius, but throughout the afternoon, a nagging sensation tugged at her, a suggestion that it was the wrong decision. She let it be for as long as she could, but it was a Saturday, and that meant there were no distractions in the form of lessons or homework, so by dinner time, she knew what she wanted to do.

She didn't go down to eat with the rest of them, knowing this would buy her time. Her friends wouldn't worry about her until it got to half past, so she had a good forty minutes. It didn't take her long to find the right statue and slip behind it. She didn't even need to get all the way to Hogwarts before the anti-Apparition bubble around the school would wear off.

Halfway through the tunnel, she stopped and loosed the bag from her shoulder, opening it to reveal her muggle clothes. She knew she couldn't show up in the middle of London in her Hogwarts uniform so she'd come prepared. She pulled out a torch and lit it so she could put her wand down temporarily and took a swig from a bottle of water she'd brought before swiftly changing, pulling her hair back into a high ponytail. It wasn't long before she was on her way again. She saw the pipe above, jutting out of the roughly hewn ground where the tunnel had been haphazardly cut and began to count. Twenty seven steps and she'd be safe.

She wasted no time, stepping forward into a turn on her twenty eighth turn, and disappearing with a crack.

.o0o.

The alley smelled no less of urine than it had last time she'd been her, and the first thing she did was wrinkle up her nose in disgust. She looked around, satisfied that the regular rubbish bins and old crates kept her sudden appearance hidden from the street. She stepped out, as casual as she could be, and joined the throng, heading for the high rise buildings.

The door to the flats she wanted often got stuck closed, so Lauren shoved her shoulder into it hard, forcing it to give way. The security guard was sat with his feet up, reading, and he looked up for long enough to nod in her direction, recognising her at first sight. Lauren headed for the dark stairwell, ready to climb the seven flights, grateful the flat wasn't any higher. The elevators hadn't worked for the past year.

It occurred to her somewhere around the fifth floor that he might not even be in, but she remained hopeful, and glad she'd remembered her key. If she needed to wait, she would.

She reached the number 712, sloppily spray-painted onto the door at some point when the wooden plaque ceased to exist. It was cheaper than buying a new one, Lauren supposed, and it made the flat easier to find in the dark.

She knocked and waited, letting out a sigh of relief when she heard movement from the other side of the door.

The door opened and Lauren took in her brother's bony figure, the week-old beard that had formed on his cheeks and the bird's nest that had become of his straight, blonde hair.

"Hey," he greeted her, somewhat groggily. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk," Lauren said, shoving past him unceremoniously into the flat.

She was somewhat pleased to see her books still on the small shelf in the corner of the living room, and some of her ornaments on the windowsill. Her spider plant was still on the coffee table, and even more shockingly, it was still rather green. Simon always claimed he'd move all of her stuff into her room when she wasn't there so he could have more space for himself, but the comments had yet to turn into action.

"About?" Simon asked as he headed back to his spot on the sofa while Lauren headed to the kitchen, knowing there'd be at least a couple beers in the fridge. She pulled out two bottles and took the bottle opener off the counter before crossing the space to sit beside him.

"You paying for that?" Simon asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"It's my late birthday present you forgot to buy," Lauren replied, smiling. She opened the bottles and took a drink of hers before she began to speak. "I wanted to talk about Sirius."

"Wouldn't Lily be better for that sort of stuff?" Simon asked, immediately uncomfortable at the prospect of girl stuff.

"It's nothing like that. We started dating a few weeks ago – properly dating this time," Lauren began but got no further before Simon interrupted.

"About time."

"Shhh," she quieted him before continuing. "Anyway, not everyone is happy about it. We heard nothing for a while so we assumed it would be okay, but we got this note today." She pulled the note, already crumpled, from her bag and handed it to him, taking another sip of her beer while he read.

"And what's the problem?" Simon asked, looking up with a shrug.

"What do you mean, what's the problem?"

"It's not the first time our mother's threatened you and it won't be the last. Carry on like you usually do," Simon explained, looking at his sister as if it really was that simple.

"This isn't from her, though, is it? It's gone through the Malfoys, which means it's gone through that whole crowd. It's from all of them," she explained, trying to put the apprehension that formed somewhere in her gut into words.

"And it still might be an empty threat. You don't know, so don't worry about it."

As Simon spoke, an alarm began to ring on the coffee table, a magical device; a warning. Lauren immediately pulled her wand free, aiming it at the door to the apartment, knowing that she was her brother's only line of defence. Dark magic was nearby, which was not good news.

Lauren stepped forward, muttering a short phrase to initiate one of the defensive spells she'd placed around the flat, allowing those inside the flat to see the corridor outside through the wall.

Two cloaked figures were retreating, giving only a glimpse of their side-profile that didn't allow identification. They were Death Eaters, but Lauren couldn't make anything else out.

"Has that happened before?" Lauren asked, still staring at the corridor instead of looking at her brother.

"Nope," he admitted, his lips pursed in confusion and fear.

"Shit."


End file.
